I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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