oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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