i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
try to milk me bitch
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