I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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