oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
