that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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