Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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