Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
