I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
