This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
