i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
