If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
