I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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