i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
