her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
