I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
