Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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