whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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