He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
