I'm going to jail i love you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
