We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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