this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
