i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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