everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you would pick up someone in the library
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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