Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
