Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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