You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
