Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
