When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
