She announced her abortion via fbk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
