she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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