bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
