dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
