Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
