New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
