I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
