ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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