so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
