the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
