that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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