I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
