You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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