Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
