Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
