They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
