Just cropdusted the office
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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