Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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