I didn't shave. On purpose
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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