This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
