I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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