Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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