ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
