tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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