I wannas sexs uuuuu
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
