This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
