At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
