I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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