no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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