That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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