I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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