i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
